Liny's story

1. The Early Days.

It began with constantly revisiting the past.
From thoughts to images, and then to bringing them into reality. Not to talk about pain or imagined possibilities. I simply wanted to reconstruct them, from the perspective of a calm spectator, narrating and watching each scene unfold.
I began writing, starting with a list of ideas, then gradually feeling them, each scene, each emotion, what I truly thought at the time, and how I see those things now.
Not to judge, but simply to observe them, to feel that pain, to calmly analyze those emotions and thoughts without any filters. And whenever I did use a filter, I was aware within myself that I was placing a filter over that part of my memory.

2. Seeing More Clearly, Listening More Carefully, Thinking More Slowly.

During that time of writing, thinking, and writing on my own, I gradually felt that I was beginning to see more things. Without filters, I noticed more details, more truths.
Perhaps that was why my eyes gradually became sharper, and my hearing clearer.
Take something as simple as washing dishes. I no longer saw only the bowl in front of me. I saw the shelves, the bottles, the clutter, the unfinished food, the stains, even the bottle of dishwashing liquid.
Because I saw more, I wanted to do more. And I paid more attention to listening.
And because I could hear the clinking of dishes, the rustling of paper, the sound of footsteps, the space around me seemed to grow wider.
Then gradually, beyond the physical space, the spaces within my memories and imagination also expanded.
Again and again.
Then my mind, my love, began to expand outward.
I began making decisions, began changing, began feeling full of energy.

3. From Chaotic Emotions to Disrupted Sleep.

As my consciousness expanded, there were times when I could not control my emotions. Emotions came to me with great intensity. I began feeling them more deeply.
When I was sad, tears came easily to my eyes, my whole body grew warm and trembled slightly, and a tingling warmth spread from my abdomen.
When I was happy, my whole body felt lighter, and that tingling warmth spread through me as well. I also realized that I had many different ways of laughing. And other people laughed too.
I could see their emotional states more clearly.
And my own more clearly.
And because I could see more clearly, I also found myself in states where I could not control myself. I also became drained of energy more easily.
And my sleep patterns changed.
I began staying up late and sleeping during the day. I ate less. Yet I had more energy.

4. Then Came the Dreams.

Dreams were like training grounds, constantly drawing upon memories and the future, transforming them into places where I could train myself.
From morality and health to imagination.

5. Acceptance.

Accepting not only weakness, fear, foolishness, pain... but also happiness, beauty, confidence, love...
The feeling of acceptance began to emerge.
Panic - anxiety - courage - weakness - weakness - emotion itself.

6. Confidence and Insecurity.

The feeling of hating myself was deeply uncomfortable. But then again, who doesn't have to pay the price for their past laziness and foolishness?
I kept apologizing to my past self, for those mistakes, for those failures.
Non-acceptance began to arise. I hated myself, I did not love myself, and I began to see those things. And once again, I could not sleep. I began writing them down again and staying fully present with those emotions.
And the truth is, all I needed was to love myself again, once more, once more, once more, once more...
Promise?